The name of Saturday’s handicap is something of a misnomer giver that only the first mile of the five mile course actually involved running in the grounds of the country park, with the remainder taking in the ‘back forest’, Mill Vale, the Croft Road and the Coast Road. Anyway, the mix of terrain didn’t put everybody off and a total of thirteen club members were happy enough to put their reputations (now there’s a word I never thought I would ever use in a club race report) on the line and turn up to make the handicapper’s mental contortions worthwhile and to give the timekeepers something to do.

Diane Hawthorne was the first to be given the off (of which the starter had a plentiful supply, thereby enabling him to provide each runner with their own personal off which they were free to take home with them as a memento of the race if they so desired) with Dale Smith being the last to cross the start line some twelve and a half minutes later. Once all the runners were on their way, the timers retired to the Dixon Hall for some expert thumb-twiddling and navel gazing, the latter a pretty pointless exercise had it not produced the revelation that the belly button of one of the runners isn’t so much a button as a toggle similar to what you might find on a duffle coat. Eye-opening, and shocking, as this was in itself, the news that a few twists of the toggle enabled the person in question to cinch in their stomach thereby reducing their waistline by several centimetres after an eating binge was perhaps even more revelatory, though it apparently had the unfortunate side effect of widening their intergluteal cleft to virtual Grand Canyon proportions every time they tried it. This is not just drivel, this is M&S drivel.

Enough of this waffling on you’re thinking, so back to the race. Lacking any information to the contrary, I can confidently tell you that between leaving the starter’s sight and arriving back at the finish line some of the runners were overtaken while others did the overtaking, with no runner finishing in the same position they started in. Not a particularly enlightening description of a race I’ll grant you, but there you are. The end result was that Tommy Linton was first across the finish line in a corrected time of 43:27, narrowly ahead of Paul Tilson, who finished just seven seconds behind Tommy in the corrected time of 38:44, the second fastest time of the day. Good as Paul’s run was, it didn’t exactly back up his long held and cherished belief that his musical hero’s album ‘Born to Run’ was dedicated to him.

Third place went to Mandy Johnston in a corrected time of 42:48. Mandy’s oft heard plea of ‘give me a chance, I’m sixty-one you know’, obviously didn’t cut any ice with the handicapper, who seems to be more aware of her capabilities than she is.

Fourth across the line was Laura Brennan. Laura’s excellent time of 47:54 reflects the hard work she is putting in in preparation for her run in the upcoming Coast Road 10 Mile Race. Full results are set out in the table below, a quick glance at which will reveal that Dale Smith and Emmett Woods’ times of 37:15 and 40:22 respectively were the first and third fastest of the day.

As always, thanks to all the runners who took part in the race, to Jackie and Mairi for helping with the timekeeping, to Rhonda and Jackie for the much appreciated post-race refreshments, to Diane for organising the prizes and to Billy for marshalling.

Race Place	Starting Place	Name	H’cap	Race Time	Corrected Time
1	8	Tommy Linton	05:30	48:57	43:27
2	11	Paul Tilson	10:20	49:04	38:44
3	9	Mandy Johnston	06:20	49:08	42:48
4	3	Laura Brennan	01:15	49:09	47:54
5	2	Rhonda Wallace	00:45	49:20	48:35
6	4	Michelle McIntosh	02:30	49:21	46:51
7	6	Kerri-Anne Craig	03:05	49:38	46:33
8	13	Dale Smith	12:30	49:45	37:15
9	10	Beverley Gaston	07:10	49:46	42:36
10	5	Laura Smith	02:50	50:18	47:28
11	1	Diane Hawthorne	00:00	51:05	51:05
12	12	Emmett Woods	11:05	51:27	40:22
13	7	Ian Brennan	05:00	56:27	51:27