Let me take you on a journey, a journey of the imagination. Imagine running over roads where the air is fresh and clear, where views of rolling fields, cliffs, verdant hillsides, ridges and valleys are everywhere and where the smell of the sea is there to greet you at the end of your journey. Idyllic. Now try actually running over the same roads and it’s more than likely that before you have completed the first mile of your run a single overwhelming thought will have wheedled its way into your brain: What bunch of eejits ever came up with the idea of running a handicap race over a course like this? (Answers on a postcard please.) I suspect that’s what it must have been like for at least some of the twenty-eight runners who turned out for the eighth and final race in the club’s 2022/23 handicap series.
The race in question was, of course, the Moore Cup Handicap and the ‘report’ below is a bit of a cop out insofar as I’ve taken a report I wrote for the same handicap a number of years ago and changed some lines, deleted others, added some new ones and left some untouched. For some club members this will be a déjà vu moment, for others it will be more of a ‘What sort of cr*p is this?’ moment.
The Ballycoose, the Sallagh Road, the Ballymullock as well
Add the Croft from top to bottom and you’ve got the race from hell
For there was up hill and downhill with little in between
On roads as hard as iron with ne’er a hint of green
So, here’s to all the runners who turned out to give of their best
To stretch themselves to the limit in the ultimate road-race test
From far and wide they came in their search for fame and glory
All ready to play their parts in the unfolding of this story
Charlotte and Ashlynn they were there with Diane and Rhonda, too
There was Paul T and David J, each ready to start on cue
The wrinklies, Billy and Sean, were there revved up and ready to go
Old and haggard they might be but they were ready to put on a show
Michelle and Emmett they turned up hoping to hit the heights
By beating the other to the line and grabbing the bragging rights
Laura and Dale came together to throw their hats into the ring
Hoping they’d forgo the bubble bath and win some trophy bling
Michelle M and Sharon came along, too, and another Paul as well
Tommy, Thomas and Emma turned up in the hope that they’d excel
And Juliane and Mark they were there along with Andy and Ruth
All set to prove themselves as they faced their moment of truth
Rhonda’s better half was there, always ready to lend a hand
Keeping the runners in order and ensuring things went as planned
Kirsty was there to help and support with her paper and trusty pen
To watch the runners crossing the line and record the important gen
Roberta with Will also turned out, primed and ready to run
Phelim and Laura B they came too, they didn’t want to miss the fun
Melissa and Allan late entries both were the last to enter the fray
So, with all the entrants accounted for the race soon got under way
One by one the runners set off, strung out in single file
Some were displaying form and grace, others totally lacking style
After a mile they turned to the left, heading for the downhill run
Some were still full of running, but others were already half done
They ran and they ran ‘til fit to burst with slabbers flying asunder
One or two felt distinctly unwell and even threatened to chunder
And rumour had it we had a leader but your writer didn’t know who
Then came word the lead had changed, I think it was now who two
Down and down the Croft they ran and on through the fading light
The runners were out for forty-five minutes when Will came into sight
With the finishing line before him he knew he wouldn’t be caught
So, the efforts of those behind him would ultimately come to naught
Phelim and Thomas were second and third with Emmett not far away
And Billy and Dale were fifth and sixth as the old men carried the day
Eventually everyone crossed the line in a string of excellent times
But that as far as this report goes ‘cause I’ve just run out of rhymes
The full results are set out in the table below but the fastest time of the night was set by Phelim, who came home in 28:53. Will was the second fastest in 29:13 while Billy produced an almost miraculous performance by coming home in the third fastest time, 31:52. The fastest woman was Charlotte in 35:08, with Ashlynn just behind her in 35:34. Juliane, gradually getting back to full race fitness, was the third fastest in 36:26.
Thanks as always to Diane for organising the prize, to Rhonda and Jackie for the tea, coffee and goodies, to Kirsty and Jackie for help with the timing and to all those who turned out on the night to either to run or offer support.
That’s all folks.
| Number | Name | H’cap | Race Time | Corrected Time |
| 1 | Will Barham | 17:20 | 46:33 | 29:13 |
| 2 | Phelim McAllister | 17:50 | 46:43 | 28:53 |
| 3 | Thomas Morrow | 13:50 | 47:16 | 33:26 |
| 4 | Emmett Woods | 14:02 | 47:56 | 33:54 |
| 5 | Billy Thompson | 16:35 | 48:27 | 31:52 |
| 6 | Dale Smith | 15:10 | 48:37 | 33:27 |
| 7 | Mark Todd | 14:35 | 48:49 | 34:14 |
| 8 | Charlotte English | 13:45 | 48:53 | 35:08 |
| 9 | Ashlynn Rogers | 13:35 | 49:09 | 35:34 |
| 10 | Tommy Linton | 11:50 | 49:10 | 37:20 |
| 11 | Sean McAllister | 16:45 | 49:12 | 32:27 |
| 12 | Paul Tilson | 15:30 | 49:28 | 33:58 |
| 13 | David Johnston | 13:55 | 49:38 | 35:43 |
| 14 | Andy Gregg | 16:55 | 49:42 | 32:47 |
| 15 | Emma McKeen | 12:50 | 49:46 | 36:56 |
| 16 | Laura Smith | 08:50 | 49:56 | 41:06 |
| 17 | Ruth Wilson (Guest) | 11:10 | 50:27 | 39:17 |
| 18 | Roberta Barham | 10:55 | 50:27 | 40:02 |
| 19 | Paul Magill | 09:00 | 50:59 | 41:49 |
| 20 | Michelle Woods | 04:45 | 51:33 | 46:48 |
| 21 | Juliane Keane | 15:20 | 51:46 | 36:26 |
| 22 | Sharon Bell | 05:30 | 51:55 | 46:25 |
| 23 | Michelle McIntosh | 09:40 | 51:57 | 42:17 |
| 24 | Laura Brennan | 10:30 | 52:31 | 42:01 |
| 25 | Allan McCullough | 12:10 | 52:32 | 40:22 |
| 26 | Diane Hawthorne | 08:40 | 53:25 | 44:45 |
| 27 | Rhonda Wallace | 07:30 | 54:06 | 46:36 |
| 28 | Melissa Shields | 08:00 | 57:56 | 49:56 |